How many times have you heard the phrase “be a man”? What if instead you were told to “be yourself”?
Many of us have tried to live up to what we believe the idea of “being a man” means. This can result in us living lives someone else says we should live instead of the lives we want to live.
Here’s the thought that triggered my journey to personal development:
“If I’m going to get over her, I need to become a different person.”
An event happened in my life that made me realize I had to change. Maybe you’ve experienced an event that similarly motivates you to get better, or to move on, to improve your life in some way.
Now you’ve got the motivation, the reason, to improve yourself, whatever it may be, good. If you’re open to sharing, please drop a comment at the bottom of this article or shoot me an email with your story. Either way, let’s get going.
And get help from others who have blazed the trail before you. Click here – you are not alone in this.
What is personal development?
Personal development for men is no different than personal development for other people, in that it comes down to becoming the best version of yourself that you can be.
As men, we have our own definitions of what it means to be the best man we can be.
What is the best version of yourself? Have you ever thought about it? Have you ever imagined or shut your eyes to visualize your “higher” or best self?
Try it now…I won’t go anywhere.
…
What did you imagine? Nice cars, fancy clothes, women all around? Or did you just keep reading and not do the exercise? Here’s a secret about developing yourself, no one can do the work for you. If you skipped over it, accept the fact that YOU must do the work if you want to develop, then go back, close your eyes, and see what comes to mind.
Here’s what I think of:
- Others respect me. (Family, friends, coworkers, etc)
- I lead myself and others confidently.
- My life, every single day, is under my control.
- Women are attracted to me more than just sexually. (Think life-partner, not night-partner.)
- Both my actions and my reactions are consistent with who I want to be.
The thing about personal development is, its personal, meaning it’s about the person, you. Develop your mind, your body, and your spirituality (whatever that means to you).
Personal development is about the internal things, and as you work on them, you’ll realize the external things will fall into place. The girlfriend, the clothes, and one day that nice car, can all be yours, and will be, if you consistently work on yourself in a way which will get you to where you want to be.
Ok, but HOW do I go about personal development?
First, realize that personal development is a personal journey. No one can tell you exactly what you need to work on but you. How you go about improving is the same way you improve anything: learn about the thing, try something new, repeat.
With that in mind, here are some steps to start you on your journey. Use them as your personal development plan or roadmap. (Want some structure to the process? My new facebook group is what you’re looking for.)
Just know this: Personal development starts with self-knowledge.
Realize it’s not what you think.
Realize that “best version” is NOT a destination because you ALWAYS have room for improvement. It is now and will always be a constant journey, so treat it that way, and understand that if what you’re seeking is a destination, you will never reach it. You must be prepared to embark on a never ending journey of personal growth.
Know the thing you want to improve.
Is it your personality? Your mindset or spirituality? Would you like more friends or more income? What is the thing you want to get better at? Put it into words if you can.
Determine the gap.
What’s different between where you are now and where you want to be? Are there differences? Are these differences things you have intentionally chosen or things that “just happened”? Which differences do you like? Which don’t you like?
Become aware and start observing this thing you want to change.
Start observing your actions, words, and thoughts around this thing you want to change. Write them down as you think of them in a notepad or in your favorite notes app.
Invite new ideas in.
Read books. Many successful people tell the story of their own journey that sounds something like this:
- “I was trying to improve XYZ, and I read all the books, saw a counselor, went to a hypnotherapist, attended a retreat, talked with friends…nothing worked! And then I did ABC and fiiiinally got some answers.” (Note: ABC is different for everyone!)
What can we learn from this? Have an open mind; be willing to try things you normally would say “no” to. Keep going; don’t stop discovering more about yourself until you’ve figured it out.
And don’t forget to read.
Apply it.
A sharp axe is only good if it’s put to work. As you read and gain new knowledge and insights about yourself, you’re sharpening the axe. Don’t forget to put it to use!
This can be hard, as our brains have become “hardwired” to behave and respond in the same ways to the same scenario. If you want to behave differently to that same scenario, you’re going to have to go against existing neural connections in your brain and build new ones by taking new action.
It sounds scarier than it actually is. Trust yourself, you can do it.
Create and spend time alone.
Many of us are surrounded by roommates, friends, family, etc. Well, people LOVE attention, people love talking to people, people like spending time with you. That’s all well and nice but it often leaves you little time alone to think for yourself, by yourself, about yourself.
MANY thinkers have great ideas in moments when they’re alone: in the shower, laying down for bed, on a walk, driving. Take time for yourself to do personal development exercises you read about in books, or to read a book where you won’t be distracted.
Any new insights you get about yourself, write them down!
Journal as you go.
Let’s face it, as humans we forget things fairly easily. We can remember the big things, but the little things slip from our memory faster than we realize. A LOT of personal development is little things. Writing down your thoughts and discoveries is an excellent way to get them out of your head and on paper Do this consistently and it can be your own personal history book for looking back on one day.
I’ve realized life can feel kind of empty without a personal history. This is going to be a unique time in your life and one to look back on. You’ll appreciate having written notes from it.
Bonus: Hire A Coach
If you REALLY want to accelerate your growth journey and the path towards your goals, hire a coach. Ideally, someone who has done the thing you’re trying to do. That could be business related, life related, relationships related, mind related, physical-body related…its whatever you’re looking for.
At Top Hūman we focus on optimizing ALL of you, your mind, body, and your spirit. For me personally, it started with the mind, and that is where my passion is. If you think a good mindset coach can help you, I welcome you to start the conversation to see how I can help.
What is the objective of personal development?
The objective is to look back on your life in a year from now and realize how much you have grown. It’s to become a better person little by little. Women will notice 😉
Here are some examples from my life to show you what I mean.
- I NEVER thought I was good at dancing. (You know, at parties in college and going out to clubs.) Then, after a couple years of Salsa Dance classes I found myself not only teaching at my college club, but performing and teaching professionally after graduation.
- I never thought I’d be a writer, in fact I hated english class as long as I can remember. Yet here I am writing a blog.
- Realizing I’ve spent the last year learning about and controlling my emotions and how to control them when I once told my first girlfriend “I can’t control my emotions.”
- Remembering how I always wanted to be able to hold a handstand, and now after practicing calisthenics, I can not only hold a handstand but also the human flag, and more.
Conclusion
I’d like to end this with a story from Gary Keller’s book, The ONE Thing. Paraphrased, it went something like this:
A boy wanted to play with his dad, but the father, too wrapped up in the daily news, wanted to buy some time. He flipped through a magazine, and when he stopped on a full-page picture of the Earth, he tore it out and tore it into pieces.
Laying the pieces out on the glass table, the dad said, we’ll go out after you’ve put this puzzle of the Earth together. Assuming that would buy him some time, the father went back to reading.
Just a couple minutes later the son exclaimed: “I’ve done it, dad!” Surprised, the dad went over to see the Earth was indeed fully together, not a piece was out of place. “How did you do that so quickly?” he asked.
(Here’s the good part!)
The son said, “It was hard at first and I was really struggling. Then I dropped a piece on the floor. When I got down to pick it up, I saw through the table that there was a picture of a man on the other side. When I put the man together, the world fell into place.”
Internalize that last sentence for a minute: “When I put the man together, the world fell into place.”
Think for a moment about you. How have you been acting? How would you like to act in the future? Is there a difference? What are you looking to improve?
Let me know in the comments or shoot me an email.